So there is this reflection. As you involuntarily stare at the reflection you realize it is you looking back from the painted glass after all. The eyes are yours. But you are too skinny and too young. And the hair! And your build, not right. The face, the mouth is too thin. But it is you. You are Red. You are not Red! You are….In the movies this would be an opportunity for the actor to panic or the actors sidekick to panic on the actors behalf. However, many people face sudden threatening information with calm. Neo-Jungian Parapsychologists theorize that these ‘calm reactors’ have many horrible nightmares during every sleep cycle. You, for example. You are perfectly aware that the overly simplistic view of suns and stars as furnaces is detrimental to the seekers understanding of the neutron and its role in the organization of galactic… galaxy. The… because.You decide not to panic. Get cleaned up. Your body starts taking its clothes off. You are numbly aware of the fine motor skills. I've enjoyed being pissed on by guys--either all at once or else takingturns, one after the other. I've also submitted to beltings and whippings.I get excited when it feels like it might get out of hand. After a trulyabusive session, when you'd think I would have felt the worst, I insteadfeel relieved, relaxed and empowered. .In my case the ultimate cause of this masochism was inadequate fathering.My dad was an iron worker and I remember him mostly being too tired to doanything with us boys (except, significantly, the occasional spanking). Somany of the skills I needed to function socially as a boy (i.e. learn tothrow a ball, learn to ride a bike) I had to do the best I could on my own.When a cousin or a pal would help me learn these things, I would end uphaving a crush on him (what I really needed was a dad). Since spankingswere one type of interaction my dad did do, I ended up making this powerdisplay a central theme in my adult fantasy life. I thought that somehow,if my dad.
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